At some point, we started to reframe our frustrations with kids behavior as a hilarious moment for self-reflection. What we are actually annoyed at is the personality trait that we also possess. At that point, it becomes a good reminder to chill and teach them to work through it at an earlier age.
"We didn’t get much person-to-person instruction. You were tossed out and told to figure it out."
I'm 40 yrs old and still feel the effects of this. Now I am constantly thinking about how I can guide my kids (3 and 8) to make well-considered decisions.
Really, really sensible remarks. I’d worry about any parent who disagreed with any of this. Speaking as a happily married Gen X parent of two teen boys.
Lol ya Gen-X here. My boomer parents were very hands off which was good and bad 2 sides of the same coin. The good was I was pretty free to make my own choices. The bad was I was pretty free to make my own choices. They taught me nothing about how to choose a good wife, no guidance on higher education or career path -- don't think they even read my college essays. I'm way more proactive with my kids, already spoke to my under-10 son/daughter about what to look for in a wife/husband.
Ouch! That stung. My mind is racing. The mistakes I made. Not mindful in the present when I could have been. Should have been. Like an album skipping through memories. It's a necessary exercise and very valuable lesson. Generational.
Am I the only weirdo who said, “Mom does X but Mom’s crazy, so I’m going to do not-X?” (In her defense, she was raising an autistic daughter in the 80s/90s.)
Great article. I also like Jordan Peterson's advice about giving your children age-appropriate tasks and this helps them gain competence, confidence and independence. I knew a parent who refused to do this and decade's later it still negatively impacts their child.
There are limits to self-teaching only via peer and media influence. This destroyed a lot of Boomer and Gen X lives because they prematurely rejected their families.
Very thought-provoking. Kids are like super sponges, which is both amazing and terrifying. They truly absorb everything. I think you once described them as “agents of chaos”, and I reflect on that often. Per your recommendation, both my husband and I read Hold Onto to Your Kids, and it’s definitely been a net positive in our parenting dynamics. More love, less anger. I find myself taking a step back and thinking, well why am I getting this angry over something so small? Then, once I put two and two together I see that I was parented that way. Once this realization is made, you’re more likely to break that trauma cycle.
Really appreciate you sharing posts and recommendations like this. It’s definitely made me a better mom.
Yeah, 2 fulltime working parents always stressed... we siblings did kind of raise each other. I'm not sure how it affects my own parenting style, except that I was so horrified by the idea of an "only child" (like, you'd be completely alone in the world!) that I felt we had to have at least three.
I do find myself doing a lot of (maybe too much) explaining of big-picture social dynamics with the kids (politeness is the grease that lets humans live in dense communities without having to club each other for dominance every time there's a disagreement), rather than just "do it, because I said so", which my parents never did.
But it makes me sad they don't have the *freedom* we did, growing up in a really safe neighborhood, and basically allowed to go out in the morning on our bikes, and come back around dinnertime, no questions asked.
Really liking the parenting content. It's ultimately more important than politics.
At some point, we started to reframe our frustrations with kids behavior as a hilarious moment for self-reflection. What we are actually annoyed at is the personality trait that we also possess. At that point, it becomes a good reminder to chill and teach them to work through it at an earlier age.
Exactly. The kid who annoys me the most... is the one who is just exactly like me.
"We didn’t get much person-to-person instruction. You were tossed out and told to figure it out."
I'm 40 yrs old and still feel the effects of this. Now I am constantly thinking about how I can guide my kids (3 and 8) to make well-considered decisions.
I enjoyed this article. I would love to hear your views on maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse.
Really, really sensible remarks. I’d worry about any parent who disagreed with any of this. Speaking as a happily married Gen X parent of two teen boys.
Thanks, Mike.
My first due Feb 2023.
Already looking inward and realizing how many actually time wasting habits I’m going to have to jettison as I care for a newborn.
Lol ya Gen-X here. My boomer parents were very hands off which was good and bad 2 sides of the same coin. The good was I was pretty free to make my own choices. The bad was I was pretty free to make my own choices. They taught me nothing about how to choose a good wife, no guidance on higher education or career path -- don't think they even read my college essays. I'm way more proactive with my kids, already spoke to my under-10 son/daughter about what to look for in a wife/husband.
Ouch! That stung. My mind is racing. The mistakes I made. Not mindful in the present when I could have been. Should have been. Like an album skipping through memories. It's a necessary exercise and very valuable lesson. Generational.
Am I the only weirdo who said, “Mom does X but Mom’s crazy, so I’m going to do not-X?” (In her defense, she was raising an autistic daughter in the 80s/90s.)
Oh, yeah. Been there. Done that. Like other commenter... we screw it up in exciting *new* ways.
Yes, we certainly won’t screw our kids up like our parents did; we’ll discover entirely new and different ways!
Great article. I also like Jordan Peterson's advice about giving your children age-appropriate tasks and this helps them gain competence, confidence and independence. I knew a parent who refused to do this and decade's later it still negatively impacts their child.
There are limits to self-teaching only via peer and media influence. This destroyed a lot of Boomer and Gen X lives because they prematurely rejected their families.
If you’re on your first, know that by your third they can drink out of the dog’s water dish and you’ll wait until the replay is over before acting.
Very thought-provoking. Kids are like super sponges, which is both amazing and terrifying. They truly absorb everything. I think you once described them as “agents of chaos”, and I reflect on that often. Per your recommendation, both my husband and I read Hold Onto to Your Kids, and it’s definitely been a net positive in our parenting dynamics. More love, less anger. I find myself taking a step back and thinking, well why am I getting this angry over something so small? Then, once I put two and two together I see that I was parented that way. Once this realization is made, you’re more likely to break that trauma cycle.
Really appreciate you sharing posts and recommendations like this. It’s definitely made me a better mom.
This was fantastic Mike. Thoroughly enjoyed how you mixed the YouTube links in. Provides context and adds an additional perspective.
My fav one so far.
The GenX stuff and how we didn’t have much guidance was so relatable
Screen captured that one to show my friends. Couple others too
Keep cranking out the knowledge and ideas. I even enjoy all the comments. Great audience
Yeah, 2 fulltime working parents always stressed... we siblings did kind of raise each other. I'm not sure how it affects my own parenting style, except that I was so horrified by the idea of an "only child" (like, you'd be completely alone in the world!) that I felt we had to have at least three.
I do find myself doing a lot of (maybe too much) explaining of big-picture social dynamics with the kids (politeness is the grease that lets humans live in dense communities without having to club each other for dominance every time there's a disagreement), rather than just "do it, because I said so", which my parents never did.
But it makes me sad they don't have the *freedom* we did, growing up in a really safe neighborhood, and basically allowed to go out in the morning on our bikes, and come back around dinnertime, no questions asked.