First Time Parenting Stuff No One Tells You

"Know thyself" takes on a whole new meaning.

You don’t know your partner until you have children.

Only then will you see how they were raised, as most parenting is an unconscious continuation of how you were parented.

As one example, other than being forced to attend church and Bible studies multiple times a week, I lived a pretty chill life. Didn’t have to do homework. No drama unless I did something really bad. That approach worked for me as I was self-motivated, but it would have been a disaster for others.

Where as wife was in many ways overparented in terms of what is risky about the world. I’m more inclined to let my kids fall down and figure it out vs. bubble wrapping them.

Both were a bit extreme parenting styles of insulation vs independence. Be aware of this stuff. You’re going to see it surface. You’ll be more empathetic with your partner when you realize that much of what you like / don’t like arises from how they were raised.

You are going to see trauma cycles play out.

Whew.

I’m not going to get to specific on this. You are going to notice stuff about yourself and your spouse that you didn’t realize exist.

You’ll get really annoyed “for no reason.” Oh, there is a reason. It goes deep back into your own childhood trauma.

Be aware of this stuff. Start focusing on how you feel in certain situations. Monitor your language patterns. Are you unconsciously instilling values in your children that you might reject if you faced them with eyes open?

Gen X Kids vs. Millennials.

There all all of these memes going around how about Gen X (my generation) was open space. It was true. During the summer I’d eat bologna and an egg and then get on my bike, meet up with kids, and we did whatever.

As opposed to those “soft” millennials.

But has anyone asked themselves why Gen X parents don’t let their kids run wild like we did?

We didn’t get much person-to-person instruction. You were tossed out and told to figure it out.

It wasn’t mean-spirited. God bless the Boomers. It was fun to not have to be home until it started getting dark. Childhood was idyllic in the sense of having freedom and adventure.

On the other hand, your teenage years got tough because you have to keep “figuring it out for yourself,” and you didn’t really see your parents as mentors. You turned to your lowlife peers for instruction.

Gabor Maté writes about this in Hold Onto Your Kids. In America during the Boomer generation, teenagers raised each other. Hence the mess we find ourselves in.

Gen X has a more Socratic approach to parenting. We talk to them, find out what’s up, and explain things to do. This is an unconscious reaction to the lack of leadership shown by parents.

Most of your parenting is unconscious.

DMT evangelist Terence McKenna famously said, “Culture is your operating system.”

Society teaches you values and you live those values, often without realizing why. You were programmed.

You act out based on the culture that’s inside your brain. Culture that you may or may not even want inside there!

When you’re a teenager, the secular world is your greatest influence. You like what your friends like, which is based on what the radio / TV / TikTok tells you to like.

Before that your parents had first go.

You’re going to repeat the parenting cycles unless you’re conscious and aware.

You can only teach what you know.

All of you reading this are adults. I believe this article is truthful, and it’s based on my best understanding of the world.

It’s still your responsibility to read it and make your own choices.

Yes, I can “pass the buck” to you, a grown man or woman.

That doesn’t apply to children. It’s your moral obligation to teach them what is true about life. How can you teach them what you don’t know?

“When an old man dies, A library burns to the ground. When a woman dies, a school burns to the ground.” - African Proverb.

You have to up your knowledge game when you have children. This is why I often criticize sportsball fandom. If you’re spending all week on ESPN, how are you learning information to teach your children?

Theta Waves and Vibe.

Your children, in early development, do not understand your words. They are feelings based. If you’re angry about work (or a fight with your partner), the child senses anger and feels that you’re mad at him or her. This is how children become traumatized before their first birthday, even when you’re not abusing them or trying to hurt them.

I had to learn this early on. I’d be in a stressful call, put the phone down, and go play with my kids. (Work from home life.) My oldest would be startled for a second. I hadn’t changed gears / vibe switches.

Humans are like giants to kids. More like mega-giants. How would you feel if you walked outside and saw angry 30 foot entities? Sure they mean no harm. They might even love us. You might not understand that initially. You see size + anger. What feeling would that invoke?

Give yourself time to decompress for a minute if you’re pissed off at the world or someone specific, or even if you got done lifting and are amp’ed up from pre-workout and demonic music. They sense this stuff and will absorb it.

Your Kids Will Reveal Your Habits.

I realized how much garbage I ate mindlessly from my oldest. She knew to follow me into the kitchen. I don’t want her having sweets, what the hell am I doing? I wasn’t even aware of this.

Your children will shine a mirror on who you really are.

Probably that’s what separates parents who love it vs those who resent their little ones. It’s like a dose of mushrooms. Did you have a “bad trip,” or did you finally see who you really were?

If you want to become a better person, kids will help you get there. “You’re right. That doesn’t make sense,” will become part of your inner world.

That’s why, as hokey as it sounds, “Children are our greatest teachers.”

P.S. Maybe this was more conceptual than you anticipated. Good. You need to go high level before dialing in the basic stuff. We will do that too. Stay signed up for more.