Almost committed suicide last year. Have a newborn this year. Unfortunately, lost the wife in the process.
Only way I've made it this far is to build a system: walk everyday, journal, lift weights, eat more protein, therapy, bjj, sleep, and supplements (fish oil, creatine, nac, etc.). Quit drinking. Need to find a sauna and cold plunge. Couldn't have gotten this far without people like you, BowTiedBull, Andrew Huberman, Scott Adams, and Peter Attia.
"Kids often inspire you to become more."
I still struggle with dark thoughts but the newborn changes how I feel. Can't focus on the negative. Have to be that role model for him.
"Kids are a mirror of your habits, see what they are showing you."
I'm terrified about this as he gets older. I'm close to the age you were when you had your first and I still struggle with anger issues. Took an anger management course and have a list of mental reframes to manage it. It's hard but I'm approaching it like jiu jitsu and hoping to get better with time and practice.
"Cold hard math and a little bit of biology."
Tim Urban wrote about Parent Time and the math of how many days you'll spend with your parents, friends, and loved ones before you die. Many would prefer not think that way. I think it's focusing. Forces you to appreciate the time you have and make the most of it.
Had 6 kids between 27 and 35. Hard work and not much sleep in the early years and will probably never be rich, but pretty perfect imo. Old enough to get to a career and young enough to be present and “a little crazy” with them and look forward to being active with grandkids.
I really like what Tucker Carlson had to say about having kids in an interview.
“Have more children than you can afford,” he added. “Take a job you’re not qualified for. Go balls out. I don’t know what everyone is waiting for. Have some adventure in your life. Do something crazy.”
I had my first when I was 19 then 25, another at 35 and we’re probably going for one more. I stayed in college (engineering) but was only able to by the grace of my parents keeping me close. My life has been quite an adventure so far and its almost like I have 2 families. All with the same woman for the past 18 years. Sometimes things just work out.
Been in the "rat race" for almost 10 years. Am 28, almost 29 now (started early on the "Rat Race"), but had my son at 26 and daughter at 27.
Agree with the above. The one thing kids brought truth to is that a "career" is largely meaningless in life. Your $, outside of providing a decent life, title, responsibilities, all pale in comparison to having kids.
It really is the greatest joy and responsibility in life.
Sometimes you do not get to choose. My husband and I had our first child when I was 25 (not planned), second at 31 (planned) and third at 42 (our LOL baby, 'last of the line' and OMG, I can't believe our one night of no birth control worked!)
We are going through so many different life stages all at once, but it's awesome and we are navigating quite well. It will be interesting to see how our newest little one grows up, being so far apart from the other two. I'm guessing he will be our fellow word traveler kid. Lots of adventure. Life will deal you a good bit of destiny.
Fantastic post Mike. I had my first son at 30 and the second at 32. At the time I thought this was “late in life.” Now I am 54 and am surprised how many men in their fifties I encounter with have elementary school age children. To each his own but I am grateful to have the physical and spiritual health I do to enjoy my incredible young men.
Have been married 25 yrs. We wanted to have kids right away in late 20s but couldn’t, then adopted in mid-30s. Adoption is not for everyone, but worth considering as an option if experiencing difficulty having kids. Mike is right about the math.
I assess my life pretty abstractly, looking at big categories and big time chunks. I'm happy with a lot of it: dating, writing, fighting principled fights, and above all fathering. Unhappy with career and social achievement. Mike feels to me like a better version of myself. But when I abstractly compare our lives I get to the comparison point "age at fatherhood" and I'm unable to envy him (I was 29 and 30 when my kida were born). Life is really hard and no one gets it perfect, even an advanced black belt. Seeing you admit it openly is one more reason to admire you.
Almost committed suicide last year. Have a newborn this year. Unfortunately, lost the wife in the process.
Only way I've made it this far is to build a system: walk everyday, journal, lift weights, eat more protein, therapy, bjj, sleep, and supplements (fish oil, creatine, nac, etc.). Quit drinking. Need to find a sauna and cold plunge. Couldn't have gotten this far without people like you, BowTiedBull, Andrew Huberman, Scott Adams, and Peter Attia.
"Kids often inspire you to become more."
I still struggle with dark thoughts but the newborn changes how I feel. Can't focus on the negative. Have to be that role model for him.
"Kids are a mirror of your habits, see what they are showing you."
I'm terrified about this as he gets older. I'm close to the age you were when you had your first and I still struggle with anger issues. Took an anger management course and have a list of mental reframes to manage it. It's hard but I'm approaching it like jiu jitsu and hoping to get better with time and practice.
"Cold hard math and a little bit of biology."
Tim Urban wrote about Parent Time and the math of how many days you'll spend with your parents, friends, and loved ones before you die. Many would prefer not think that way. I think it's focusing. Forces you to appreciate the time you have and make the most of it.
Had 6 kids between 27 and 35. Hard work and not much sleep in the early years and will probably never be rich, but pretty perfect imo. Old enough to get to a career and young enough to be present and “a little crazy” with them and look forward to being active with grandkids.
I really like what Tucker Carlson had to say about having kids in an interview.
“Have more children than you can afford,” he added. “Take a job you’re not qualified for. Go balls out. I don’t know what everyone is waiting for. Have some adventure in your life. Do something crazy.”
I had my first when I was 19 then 25, another at 35 and we’re probably going for one more. I stayed in college (engineering) but was only able to by the grace of my parents keeping me close. My life has been quite an adventure so far and its almost like I have 2 families. All with the same woman for the past 18 years. Sometimes things just work out.
Been in the "rat race" for almost 10 years. Am 28, almost 29 now (started early on the "Rat Race"), but had my son at 26 and daughter at 27.
Agree with the above. The one thing kids brought truth to is that a "career" is largely meaningless in life. Your $, outside of providing a decent life, title, responsibilities, all pale in comparison to having kids.
It really is the greatest joy and responsibility in life.
Sometimes you do not get to choose. My husband and I had our first child when I was 25 (not planned), second at 31 (planned) and third at 42 (our LOL baby, 'last of the line' and OMG, I can't believe our one night of no birth control worked!)
We are going through so many different life stages all at once, but it's awesome and we are navigating quite well. It will be interesting to see how our newest little one grows up, being so far apart from the other two. I'm guessing he will be our fellow word traveler kid. Lots of adventure. Life will deal you a good bit of destiny.
Fantastic post Mike. I had my first son at 30 and the second at 32. At the time I thought this was “late in life.” Now I am 54 and am surprised how many men in their fifties I encounter with have elementary school age children. To each his own but I am grateful to have the physical and spiritual health I do to enjoy my incredible young men.
Have been married 25 yrs. We wanted to have kids right away in late 20s but couldn’t, then adopted in mid-30s. Adoption is not for everyone, but worth considering as an option if experiencing difficulty having kids. Mike is right about the math.
I assess my life pretty abstractly, looking at big categories and big time chunks. I'm happy with a lot of it: dating, writing, fighting principled fights, and above all fathering. Unhappy with career and social achievement. Mike feels to me like a better version of myself. But when I abstractly compare our lives I get to the comparison point "age at fatherhood" and I'm unable to envy him (I was 29 and 30 when my kida were born). Life is really hard and no one gets it perfect, even an advanced black belt. Seeing you admit it openly is one more reason to admire you.
Daniel - you've won at life. Career and social will not matter when you're 80. Kids, and your legacy through them, is all that does. Cheers!
Also better late than never. Way better. Not even close. Also I hope it works out for one more. (at least)