The Fear

What do you find on the other side of fear?

Even when you know it’s time for change, The Fear sets in. “Everything is perfect.”

The Fear sets in like a wall in front of you. Stop now, stay safe.

Some people view The Fear as Ego’s defense mechanism. Rather than admit you’re afraid, and push forward, your Ego tells you everything is great and that making this move could lead to disaster.

You’re not afraid, bro, you’re perfect as you are.

Even otherwise beneficial and banal activities trigger the Fear.

You go the gym. Afraid of being judged. Or looking stupid. Or loved ones saying you’re going to quit this time.

Gym bro would laugh, call that silly reasoning. (Which is true.) Those same guys often live in fear of being weaker or smaller than someone else. Or they use too many anabolic agents, risking their health, to impress some imagined or real audience.

The employee doesn’t want to start a business.

The rich entrepreneur doesn’t want to go home to his wife.

The young woman dreams of fame. The celebrity wonders if she has any real friends.

Everyone is living in fear.

You can’t escape yourself.

“The fear of the thing is always worse than the thing itself.”

Almost always the fear of the thing is greater than the thing itself. One scene from Cormac McCarthy’s The Road comes to mind.

Cernovich @Cernovich

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That’s why The Fear exists. It was useful. It sometimes still it. (Rarely.)

I was talking to a younger guy at The Cigar Night about what I mean by The Other Side of Fear.

We were overlooking the ocean with Cohibas when I told him:

If drug cartel members with AK-47’s pulled up in boats, then whatever would happen to us would be worse than the fear we’d feel as they arrived.

But that’s not what you’re doing.

You’re taking a break in your career. You got no kids, if you go bankrupt, which is the worst that can happen, who cares?

People might laugh at you. Oh well.

When someone sketches me out, I’m gone. The Gift of Fear is a remarkable work.

Cernovich @Cernovich

Check the date. I didn’t know WHAT it meant. But my instincts flagged it. Something was off. There’s a book called The Gift of Fear. Everyone should read it. (We will study together during home school when they are older.) I teach my daughters if something FEELS off, LEAVE.

How can we know when our instincts are wisely telling us to leave a situation, or when our lower self is afraid of the pain of transformation?

You learn that by taking smaller steps each day. Rather than lean into The Fear, start by confronting small dread.

I’ve been doing cold plunges and ice showers for over a decade. It went from sucking to a nuisance and something I’d prefer to avoid.

Cernovich @Cernovich

Ice baths / cold plunges.... they always suck. Been doing them for years. Know it won’t kill me. But there’s always that sense of dread beforehand. That’s why the training is effective. It’s a metaphor for life. The fear of the thing is always greater than the thing. Jump in!

And you look at realistic upsides and downsides. If someone seems “off,” that’s the end of the road. Physical danger is real. Don’t let sociopaths use your conscience to manipulate you. “Come on, don’t be judgmental…” Read The Sociopath Next Door.

Those are unusual circumstances.

The Fear we live with and that keeps us alive, is also holding us back, and protecting us from Ego damage.

“People might make fun of me.” That’s the source of 90% of The Fear.

“I might make real change in my life, and lose some friends or family members,” is the other 9%.

The final 1% is real danger. That’s when you do not look for what’s on the other side of fear.

You can’t run from yourself.

But you can distract yourself long enough until the clock runs out on your life.

Or you can find out…