The DINK Discourse
DINK - dual income, no kids.
TikTok trends seem to upset the conservative political side of X, and the latest thing to be angry about is goofy looking kids who don’t have kids. There’s a real discourse to have.
The videos, which you may have not seen, is a trend where the husband goes, “We’re DINKs, we have spare money,” and then the phone pans to the wife who sais, “We’re DINKs, we can have brunch every weekend.” And so on. Conservatives call this anti-natalism. I see it differently.
These people are losers. Not because they don’t have children, but because they are living like cattle. Or as the more interesting sides of X call them, BUGMEN.
You have income from yourself and your spouse. Instead of doing self-development, putting the cash into a rental, or learning useful life skills, these people are living a lifestyle of eating snacks. My wife even mentioned that in one of the videos, the couple said, “We’re DINKS, we have sex three times a week.” What kind of loser couple, without children, is only having sex thrice a week? They lack vitality. You should really be getting into the lingerie and everything else at that stage of marriage.
The right age to have children?
I had my first child at 39. My wife was 29. In hindsight, 33 would have been the ideal age for me, although I hadn’t met my wife then. Chaos theory and butterflies causing hurricanes means you can’t regret your choices. 39 is on the high side. But 29 would probably have been too young.
If you have children when you’re in your 20’s, you’re going to repeat the cycles of trauma from your parents, who had you in your 20’s. You don’t really know anything and can’t teach and mentor them properly. You also have lots of energy. It’s easier to be a young dad than an old dad. Then again, I still feel good at 46 and take my kids hiking and to the park. We squat at the home gym. Even so, 46 isn’t 36 or 26.
As an older dad, I have resources. Their 529’s are superfunded. I have a worldview. My kids can learn from me when they are receptive and still look up to Dad and Mom.
Did you notice your mom and dad started getting wise, right as you became a teenager? Of course not. You hated your parents by then.
Right Wing Pro-Natalism.
One problem with conservatives and even the “right wing” is a lack of joy for parenting. You can see the difference when you look at the discourse around parenting on X vs. Instagram.
Political Twitter / X is people lecturing everyone on why they must have children either to save the West or because it’s some moral duty.
Where as on IG you get recipes and smart designs for home gyms and playground sets. We are installing a rock climbing wall into our garage. I got the idea from Mom IG, not from the geniuses on X who are going to save society.
If you have chidren and enjoy them, it’s OK to talk about this. Men don’t want to as that may make them seem sentimental. They are MANLY MEN.
Women want to be taken seriously as commentators and not get pigeonholed into being seen as a “mom blogger.” As if that’s bad! I’m objectively a very influential person. I would rather read and RT your mom content than the latest hot take on why it’s great Kevin McCarthy is resigning.
People model the behavior of aspirational men and women.
If you’re Gen X, why did you take martial arts? Because of Bruce Lee and Kung-Fu movies. You went to the gym because of Arnold. Women are all doing hip thrusters because the Kardashians made big bootys popular.
If you want people to have children, you should ask if you are living an aspirational life. If not, then nobody cares what you think. You may indirectly cause people not to form families are you’re always miserable.
Everyone on X could learn a lot from the moms of Instagram. Be more like them if you think babies are what will change the future.
People who don’t have children I find selfish. Anyone who posts to the world how great their life is, is trying to prove to themselves they are happy and their life is great. Why do they care what strangers think? Because they are trying to convince themselves they are whole.
I agree on the cycles of trauma. We are both 31 and have 4 kids. having kids will take every crack in you, your spouse, and your relationship, seen or unseen, and start widening each unless carefully and lovingly addressed.
and then you have to grow up quickly and learn alot about patience, love, communication required to function together and as parents. then there is the mentoring and guidance day by day. checking in, walking alongside them, drawing out their heart, mentoring. Thanks for being a mentor to me your thoughtful and difficult questions on X are good to read and reflect on.
it's hard to say when is a good time, you are right. I'm not sure anyone is really ready though. it's life changing. you stop being the growing tree, and now must put all your life force into bearing anf nourishing fruit.