Exercise, Time, and Kids

Walk and talk to your kids more bro

I’m not some Team 5 AM HARDCORE guy. Never was, not even when launching a best selling mindset book in 2015. (It has aged well.) I’m more deliberative. Don’t smash through walls. Find a way to work with yourself.

Thus when I worked a job with an hour commute each way, I would toss a gym bag into my trunk. Leave for work at 7 or 8 a.m., load up the The Great Courses CD’s (this was pre-podcast era), drive home at 7 p.m., do gym, be home at 9. Basically my entire weekday was shot, and I was namstate about that. Made the most of my weekends. On Sunday we took what my roommate and his girlfriend (now wife) and my girlfriend (now wife) called the Sunday Walk. It was usually 5-8 hours of total walking, although we’d stop for foot and meander about.

Now I have 3 kids and a ridiculously flexible schedule. And I’m lazy. We are all stuck with ourselves. That’s Rule 1 to changing your life. Accept you’re stuck with yourself. May as well make the best of the situation.

Here’s what works for me.

When my first kid was born, I’d wear her in a baby bjorn. We’d start the hide with her facing out, then she’d start to fall asleep, and she’d then face me and nap. We’d do 2 to 3 hour hikes.

Second kid didn’t like to be carried. Didn’t much like the stroller.

They both loved the park. Sometimes I could bribe the second child to ride in the stroller if we walked to a park, which was about an hour away from our place. Sometimes they’d let me walk them home. Other times we’d have their mom come pick them up, and I’d walk home.

Are you getting the vibe? You gotta figure it out as you go.

It’s trial and error. You push the kids in the stroller. One gets mad. Decides they want to walk. But they don’t walk. They sit down. They won’t get up. OK. You don’t take that one out for long walks.

Third kid likes the stroller but is unpredictable. I’d pack a carrier underneath and alternate between pushing and carrying him.

He was also obsessed with being carried. We had to hide the Baby Bjorn or else he’d drag it out to me 24/7.

We tried to take a New Year’s Hike. It was going to be an annual tradition. Baby boy said nope. OK. You learn as you go.

My 7 year old and I took a 5 mile hike this past weekend. My younger daughter wouldn’t have enjoyed it. She stayed back with my wife and baby boy.

Yesterday I did legs (Squats with the Squat Max MD) while the girls were at the homeschool co-op and my wife was at an appointment. Then pushed him in the stroller for an hour and change.

Flow.

It can be frustrating if you’re Type A person who says, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.” You’re on kid time now. Learn when to go with the flow and when to direct the current. Otherwise you’ll be annoyed that your kids “ruined your workout.” I get that way sometimes. Yet it’s not really your time. It’s their time and shared time.

It’s also hard to follow a structured program where you do Zone 2 on x day and intervals on y dad. Sometimes your kid is taking a deep nap. You push for longer than usual. Other times they are fussy and you pick up the pace to a job or run.

How to talk to your kids.

“How was your day?” We all remember our parents asking this of us at dinner time. What would you say?

“Good.”

Or, “It’s OK.”

Then they’d ask, “What happened?” You’d say, “Oh, nothing unusual. Typical day.” Everyone stared at their macaroni and hot dogs or Hamburger Helper.

Children have rich inner lives. It’s mind blowing once you learn how to get them to open up.

Which you do by taking walks. Letting the breeze go by. They’ll tell you about school gossip. Who is friends with who. The pecking order.

You don’t get this information by treating discussions with your kids like depositions.

You take them for walks, go to parks, spend time and vibe.

Your training as a parent won’t be “Optimal.”

Last night my baby boy could not sleep. He kept waking up. I got him and we slept on a small bunk bed. My “recovery score” isn’t what it would be if I were still single, commuting to work, and living only for myself. Moms have their VO2 maxes tank during pregnancy. We men are pretty silly about this stuff, in comparison to the fitness we lose vs the moms.

You have to adjust your mindset. You’re exercising to live longer and be healthier, I hope, although a lot of people never leave the phase of bodybuilding narcissism. I’ve known fit bros who would do deep “cuts,” get jacked up on caffeine, and snap at their kids. Wow you look hot, how cool, go stare at yourself in the mirror all oiled up more.

Assuming you want to be an involved parent, you’re focusing on setting an example. The kids see me on the Peloton. They see me lifting in the garage. They exercise with me. They run laps around the house before they get to eat gummy bears. They take hikes at their homeschool co-op. Physical movement is family culture. It’s normal for us.

Family Culture.

My most modern view on dads is also rooted in offensive ideals. Namely that dads should be more involved. Everyone is nodding their heads to that one. And also that the father is the spiritual center of the house. Uh oh.

As a dad you’re setting family culture. If you want your children to exercise, you are exercising. If you want them to be readers, you are reading them books. You’re also reading books. I set a bad example as I read books mostly from my phone with the Kindle app, and we need to switch to paperbacks.

When your kids get older, imagine this, what will their memories of you be? That you were a fat dad who sat around eating Ruffles potato chips all day while you ignored them and have them watch TV and play video games?

Were you the successful dad who said, “I do it all for my kids, that’s why I work hard!” When really it was your own ego that drove you to neglect family for credentials and material gain?

That’s how you want to think about parenting.

Imagine those little eyes looking at you, taking it all in, what is your report card going to be?