Does Having Kids Hold You Back?

How can you be productive when you have kids?

Good question someone sent in, which went sort of like: “How will I be able to continue my personal development after starting a family.”

I’m sure there are good lying answers about this. Not really my vibe to do that.

It’s hard as kids wear you out.

You’ll have a layer of never ending fatigue. You’ll get used to be, but it’s baked in. You have to accept it and learn to move around your other areas of life.

This is why you form habits when young. Build a reserve of emotional and physical fitness. You’re going to start drawing from it.

Something I’ve told young men over and over again is, “Do not waste your twenties.” Society tells you that this is a time for self-exploration. Nonsense. You have massive energy. Your life needs to be focused around reading, making money, fitness, and success. You don’t get to goof off. If you live right in your 20’s, then you can indulge in your 30’s.

Raising children is self development.

A piece missing from the question is the assumption that self-development is the (secular) Big Three: Get Paid, Get Laid, Get Fit. Some may not like to see it represented this way. Once you see the filter, you’ll understand that 99% of marketing, especially to men, is built around one of those categories. Even modern day churches are focused on how God wants you to be rich and good looking, etc.

That’s a narrow view of life, and having the correct mindset post-family will help you continue growing.

You’re able to end the cycle of trauma.

Yes I know. We are MANLY MEN on the internet. No one has trauma. Haha. You guys aren’t that impressive, truly.

Your parents were largely operating unconsciously. They raised you the way they were raised, and on and on it went via your line of ancestors.

What a beautiful hero’s journey you get to go on. You’re healing the future generation of your DNA line by consciously parenting.

You learn forgiveness.

Unless your kids were truly lowlife drug addict abusers, you’ll forgive them for most of their mistakes as you see how hard this stuff is. Children force you out of your own solipsism and myopia.

You can only teach your kids what you know.

Everyone reading this is an adult. I want to give you the best information. But if I’m wrong, it’s on you to develop discernment.

When it’s your kids, you’d better get it right. You can’t shrug your shoulders about how people have to “make their own choices.”

You should be more committed than ever to living a mindful life and expanding your sources of knowledge.

How the day gets away from you.

Today for example. My wife was under the weather. I had a cold. Friend was coming over to talk about a business project. I could have squeezed in some exercise time, but it would have been a drag. You can’t have too many days like this or you fall behind.

(Update: I ended up doing some intervals after he left, but cut it short for movie night with the kids.)

Where as pre-kids I would work. Go to gym after work. Listen to teaching company lectures during drive. All weekend I could focus on the side businesses and get in extra gym sessions.

Kids will wake you up between 6 and 7:30 am and they want and need your attention. They are fun, it’s enjoyable, but you’re also not going to be CRUSHING IT like before.

Fit it in and know it may not be “optimal.”

I walk and hike my 6 month old often. It’s good zone 1 and zone 2 cardio depending on pace. He naps for almost two hours. I listen to books, relevant podcasts, or conduct business. It’s not a perfect use of time but it’s getting steps in.

Not everyone has that option. In many cases the mom and dad work. It’s more complex. The principles are the same. You get in what you can fit in. Maybe that means walking “laps” around the house while getting a newborn to nap in the baby bjorn carrier.

Most of you are younger. HEED THIS. Get your act together or you’ll be SCRAMBLING when you have kids and you’ll be a worse parent for it.

Ways I fold in stuff for me and kids:

• Take them to park that has a short walking path. 2:30 minutes a lap. That means I’m never far away and can see them. I push my baby in a stroller and log 5,000 steps this way. Push stroller, keep eye on kids playing, then push them in swings, etc.

• Make kids race you. Give them a big head start. But be careful if you’re older. Don’t pull a hamstring.

• Carry kid in baby bjorn. Who needs a weighed vest? Strap your kid in and walk hills. Just make sure their neck is held in a stable position. Kid falls asleep this way too. Good parental bonding.

• Do chores around the house. I know. This isn’t manly according to internet’s manly men. But it’s a good way to get activity in.

• Pace around when you’re on a work call. Or take calls while doing zone 2 on the stationary bike. That way you won’t fail the “talk test,” which means you’re doing too much intensity.

As you can see from the list above, you have to think this stuff through. Or else the day gets away from you.

That will always be your enemy from now on. Tattoo this in your mind. Don’t let the day get away from you.

Get basic home gym stuff. You don’t need a squat rack. You need some kettlebells, push up bars, and ideally rings to do back work with. Stationary bike is good for convenient cardio.

Reach a higher power level.

The best way to balance it all is to keep rising to higher levels. Then you get to set the agenda.

I conduct business via short voice memos. 58 seconds is the average. I’m not doing mini podcasts. (Some people will send really long ones. They need to learn to be succinct.)

Many people hate voice memos.

That’s fine. Then we won’t talk. I don’t care. There’s an almost 0% chance that I solicited the other person anyway.

You want to get to the point where you don’t really need anything from other people. Then you can control your schedule, send voice memos, or conduct meetings when you’re on an exercise bike.

People have asked me what I’ll be doing here, and most of it will be life and parenting stuff. Sign up if you want more of that.